Hall Of Shame
The Starting Lineup
|Name ||Nicknames ||Bats ||Pos ||Avg ||HR
|Willie Randolph ||I Suck
|Don Mattingly ||Donnie Baseball
|George Bell ||Jorge, Taco Bell
|Jose Canseco ||Cans-Co
|Cal Ripken ||Fuck Face
|Harold Baines ||Haaaarold!
|George Brett ||None
|Bill Schroeder ||Schro-DARE
|Name ||Nicknames ||Bats ||Avg. ||HR
|Mark McGwire ||Big Mac ||Right
||942 ||126 ||18|
|Kevin Seitzer ||Alka Seitzer ||Right
||759 ||130 ||14|
|Paul Molitor ||Pauly Walnuts ||Right
||744 ||138 ||6 |
|Julio Franco ||Julius ||Right
||741 ||140 ||11|
|Name ||Nicknames ||Arm ||ERA
|Jimmy Key ||Key-bag!! ||Left
||2.76 ||188 ||169
||157 ||5 ||10
||9 ||40 |
|Brett Saberhagen ||Copenhagen ||Right
||3.36 ||185 ||165
||152 ||11 ||6
||9 ||40 |
|Dave Righetti ||Spaghetti ||Left
||3.51 ||198 ||170
||146 ||7 ||3
||7 ||15 |
|Tom Henke ||Henke panky ||Right
||2.49 ||210 ||174
||173 ||4 ||7
||8 ||15 |
Team Synopsis, by Sperling
Well I normally play against American, so that should make me a subject expert. Well not really because they aren't really fun to play with or against. They will normally hit more home runs than any other team, but they will also ground into more double plays than any other. That is of course if they get hits. Usually their box score will have equal hits and homers when Potsie plays with them. If you like righties, this is the team for you, even more so than Boston.
Saberhagen is a great closer and occasionally has a brilliant start. Righetti used to be a starter for the Yankees and it's better to have him get rocked for 3 to 4 innings than blow Saberhagen's relief. As is true with National, any pitcher you put in is going to get rocked.
- Willie Randolph. See ya! Seriously, why did All-Star second basemen suck so bad in this game? For a lead-off man, he has absolutely no speed. Replace him with Molitor because he has speed and some pop in his bat. Unfortunately he's righty, which means a lot of ground outs to third.
- Don Mattingly, a good hitter because he can go deep with the best of them and hit the lefty hit consistently. He is almost impossible to stop with a runner on first base. He's the only left handed hitter on the team that you should leave in, so make his at bats count. He's got solid stroke and that's all I really have to say about that.
- Jorge Bell, a real dinger. He hits the ball as far as you can hit it. I think he's the most consistent home run hitter on the team. He gets the most carry, which is very helpful in the game. He'll get a lot of pop up homers and will have driftage out of play on foul balls. If he's hitting it to third instead of hitting a homer you're swinging all wrong.
- Jose Canseco is arguably the best homerun hitter on the team. I still think it's Bell, but Canseco always pulls off 4 homers a game off me if I talk shit about him. He hits more homeruns on a line, but still has impressive carry. If he's having a bad game, you might want to check if it's Ozzie Canseco instead of Jose.
- Cal Ripken, the iron man. If I could sub him with someone decent on the bench I would. Unfortunately, I don't think McGwire is worth putting in here because once in awhile Calvin will go yard several times. Some games he hits like a multiple time All-Star, other times he hits like his deceased father. Maybe Cal's streak lasted so long because Billy stepped in his cleats for these RBI appearances.
- Harold Baines. For some reason Potsie still keeps this loser in. His excuse, "he hit two homers in a game". It happened once and will never happen again. And if you haven't learned by now, whatever Potsie does, do the opposite if you want to win. I put Big Mac in here because you need some pop after Ripken gets out. He's somewhat underrated for someone who hit 49 home runs. I wish he was more like Dawson.
- George Brett. For some reason Georgy decided to bat righty in this game. He got into the Hall of Fame as a lefty, but he decided to take a stab as a righty in RBI. This move basically fucks this team. American would be so good if he was lefty. I mean it would be as beneficial to this team as it would be if Brian Downing was a lefty for Cali. Not all the pine tar in the world can make Brett any good from the right side.
- Bill Schroeder, the catcher. He's batting over .300 in this game. Every other year he bats closer to the Mendoza line. So why is he an All-Star? He had half the at bats he should have, which skews his average, so he looks like the best catcher in the American League. Well, it doesn't matter. Take this scrote out and put in Franco. Seitzer has more power, but Franco has a better batting stance in real life, so I pick him.
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