Houston Astros

The Starting Lineup

Name Nicknames Bats Pos Avg HR Pwr Sp Ct
Billy Hatcher Hatchet Right RF .258 6 759 142 27
Jose Cruz Cheo Left LF .287 10 768 138 18
Denny Walling The Worst Left 3B .312 13 750 128 13
Glenn Davis Geena Right 1B .265 31 867 124 26
Kevin Bass Ass, K-Bass Left CF .311 20 780 138 14
Bill Doran Doran With Cheese Left 2B .276 6 765 136 18
Craig Reynolds Wrap it Up! Left SS .249 6 804 124 34
Alan Ashby Assby, Andy Left C .257 7 777 124 28

The Bench

Name Nicknames Bats Avg. HR Pwr Sp Ct
Davey Lopes Cheech Right .275 7 795 146 21
Phil Garner Mini-GAR!! Right .265 9 804 134 24
Dickie Thon Penis Right .248 3 783 132 28
Terry Puhl Terry Puhl Day Left .281 3 768 136 21

The Staff

Name Nicknames Arm ERA Sf Sr Ss Cl Cr Dr En
Nolan Ryan Lynn Right 3.34 213 184 146 8 6 2 50
Mike Scott Scottie Right 2.22 189 170 170 7 4 14 50
Charlie Kerfeld None Right 2.59 181 165 136 9 3 8 16
Dave Smith Davyboy Right 2.73 205 184 146 4 2 2 12

Team Synopsis, by Gantry

Last update - 4/17/2003

There's no delicate way to put this - Houston is the worst team in RBI Baseball. While their pitching and bench are adequate, their hitting (especially in the power category) is simply anemic. No power at the top or bottom of the lineup, and Glenn Davis isn't enough to win games with. Their lefties are the worst in the game and they have two players with Ass in their nickname. Mark, Potsie, and I like to pick Houston on a lark and see if we can pull out a victory. Of course we only do this during casual games, because picking them in a drinking situation is pure suicide.


Nolan Ryan is a great pitcher, no doubt. Having that blazing fastball is good for mixing up speeds, especially with our monotonous straight pitch games. You have to be careful to pick your battles wisely though, as lots of predicted fastballs will end up over the fence. Mike Scott is another quality starter who should be used for middle relief purposes. He has the best slowball in the game, that sucker will drop well into the late innings. Smith and Kerfeld both aren't the greatest closers, but it doesn't matter with Houston anyway. Simply being in a save situation should be considered a victory. Kerfeld can be very effective in small doses thanks to being the the game's only righty side-armer.

The Lineup

  1. Billy Hatcher sucks, period. He doesn't do anything that warrants keeping him in. The best player for the leadoff spot is Davey Lopes. He has a ton of speed (2nd fastest player in the game after Coleman) and more power than you would expect. Think Vince Coleman with more power and no lefty hits.

  2. Jose Cruz is a good player, although not the most powerful. That's why putting a power hitter like Garner in at the three spot is a quality choice. Cruz gets on base more than any other Astro, so the big goal should be getting him in.

  3. Denny Walling is the worst number three hitter in the game, which is doubly sad considering how much Tommy Herr blows. He's the only three hitter in the game that should be subbed, and Phil Garner is the man here. The most powerful Astro coming off the bench, he and Davis are pretty much your only consistent homer guys.

  4. Glenn (Geena as we like to call him) Davis is not that good considering his place on this team. He is the consensus worst cleanup hitter in the game. Grounds out a whole lot, and is too inconsistent with the homers. What does all this mean? Another stereotypical righty power hitter. He has his moments though and you need multiple dingers out of him to have any chance at winning.

  5. Kevin Bass is RBI Baseball's biggest enigma. How can a lefty who bats .311 with 20 HRs and good speed be so shitty? I have no idea, but don't expect much out of this scroat.

  6. Billy Doran certainly has his fans and critics, although I'm rather neutral on the subject. He is simply OK - not much power but gets on enough to keep me satisfied, especially for this team.

  7. Craig Reynolds is actually a pretty good player, easily the best lefty on Houston. He hits way more homers than you'd expect, and is quite clutch. Many people lump him in with the Wallings and Dorans of the world, but if you keep any lefty Astro in, make sure it's Reynolds Wrap.

  8. Launch Assby immediately, very slow and very crappy. The man in this spot is the Canadian Wunderkid Terry Puhl. This man has some pop in the bat for a three homer bench player. If you are a righty man, go for Penis Thon instead, pretty similar in abilities to Puhl.

The Rest

My writeup has pretty much covered all the bench players for Houston, but the sheer shittiness of their lineup leaves many possibilities. You definitely want to take Hatcher and Ashby out, the rest are debatable. I think Lopes and Garner are the best bench players, so make sure they get in the lineup early. As to who to put where and whether to sub Walling, Doran, Cruz etc is up to you. Find what combo works best for you and leave at least one bench player for the later innings.

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