The Starting Lineup

The Bench

The Staff

Team Synopsis, by Sperling

National League is my fantasy exhibition team. I say this because the two All-Star teams are pretty much banned from Death. Why? Too much drinking, I guess. So they're primarily just exhibition games, American versus National. I prefer National League because they have more lefties than American, but if you can hit with righties go ahead. I also do things a little crazy with them, so you might not agree with the line-up.

Pitching

I prefer to start Valenzuela because he's a better hitter. Sutcliffe would be my other option, but either way, they're going to give up a ton of homers. The middle relief isn't too shabby. Franco can get out lefties and Bedrosian is tougher to hit as a righty.

The Lineup

1. Rock Raines. He's possibly the best player in the game due to his speed and power. He has a high average, (which doesn't mean much in RBI), decent amount of homers, and speed comparable to Vince Coleman. Get him on the basepath and he'll run forever. He's the fucking man, he carries the team because if he gets on, it's almost as good as a three-run homer. Why you ask? Wait....
   
   
2. Sub Sandberg. He's righty and a second baseman. You might be saying, what does that have to do with anything? Well Sandberg's no Jeff Kent, not even the cheesy mustache. I sub him for Tony Gwynn, the highest hitting player in the game with a .377 average. He is key here. He has good speed and he's perfect for the lefty hit if Raines is on base. Don't try to hit the long ball because it's not going to happen.
   
   
3. You're still wondering about the three-run homer? Well Benito isn't your man. 44 homers are too much to resist in the third spot, so put Dale Murphy in here. Although he's famous for his reverse negative Upper Deck card, he bats from the right, not the left. I would prefer a lefty over a righty any day, but it doesn't matter when the average homer hit by Murphy leaves the entire stadium. There's your 3 run homer.
   
   
4. The Hawk. The best homerun hitter in the game from the right side. Andre Dawson dominates. His ground balls leave the infield faster than anybody's. He is famous for the screen changing center field homer. Let's just say that the scoreboard wasn't in sight when it finally came down. If it ever happens again, make sure your opponent drinks ten.
   
   
5. Eric Davis. A player very similar to Alan Trammell on Detroit. He's always on base. He combines a lot of power and speed and will piss your opponent off because he always gets a hit. That's all I have to say about him, he deserves having more said about him. Okay, he survived colon cancer, Good Job man!i
   
   
6. Mike Schmidt. A Hall of Famer no doubt. Unfortunately, unless he hits the long ball, he absolutely sucks. He has good power, but has about 3 ground outs to third each game. Pray that you don't have runners on when he does because he has triple play potential. Easily the worst player on this stellar team
   
   
7. Here you have the Big Cat, Andres Gallaraga. Unfortunately he sucks donkey balls. That's why you have to sub in the coke slanging, Pedro Guerrero in the line-up. Like every pinch hitter, his first at bat is a long homer, if you can keep him hitting consistently, he'll hit like Murphy.
   
   
8. Al Pedrique, 1 homerun for an All-Star. It's fucking pathetic. Seriously, I suck at baseball, but I wouldn't expect to be an All-Star if I only hit one fucking homer. Now this is unconventional and I don't do this with any other team, but I put all four pinch hitters into the line-up first thing. It sucks when you really need your pitcher to do something late in the game, but National is so good that if you don't slaughter the opponent by the fifth inning, you shouldn't be playing them. Okay, put in John Kruk. He's lefty, so that's good. He is also the only player in RBI history to hit two Grand Slams in the same inning.